This Almost Makes Me Not Hate Mario [Almost].

As you know, I have this obsession with playing an obscene amount of Mario Kart. As you also might know, I am crazy enough to describe the other characters as if they are real people, and not just lifeless, soulless computers, which they obviously are. In my made believe world, Mario is a total douche bag. The man like to both take it and give it up the ass, and it such an asshole when it comes to driving, him and his idiot brother. So when I read this little comic, it almost made me feel sorry for the guy. What if Luigi was moving in on his [fugly] girl, behind his back, without his consent [because clearly sometimes they like to gang bang the bitch]? It almost makes me feel sorry for him. Then I remembered. He's a douche. Therefore I don't care.

Jessica Simpson Sucks Ass, Kim Kardashian is Out, and My Bathroom Smells Like a Public Pool.

While watching the most awesome hour of television, otherwise known as Dancing with the Stars, I was blown away by just the pure god awfulness that is Jessica Simpson...doing her 'country'. I put country is 'quotes' because, I'm not convinced that even country people would call that country. It was just pure crap. I got to a point, where my ears could no longer take the beating of hearing that ghastly screeching, and I had to mute it. As if bastardizing one song wasn't enough, they let her sing two songs, the second just as bad as the first. Will she ever learn...to sing? The world may never know.

On another dwts note, can I get a woot[exclamation point] for Cloris Leachman, who lives on to dance another week! I was really worried that she was going to get the boot this week, after all she had the worst score out of everybody. It's like give the woman a break! Spoiler alert, she's old. It's not her fault she's 82, and being judged against other 'celebrities' who are way more physically fit that she is. It's like, of course she can't do half the stuff that they can, but she is still a hoot. AND it doesn't help that the judges give her such double standards. It's like when she acts crazy, they say tone it down. When she toned it down and gave them a serious performance, they said 'what happened to the cloris we love, the crazy one?' It's such a double-edged sword that is unfairly thrust upon her because of the judges. Thank God no one really like Kim Kardashian, or else Cloris might have been gone this week.

Oh, and my bathroom smells like a pool. I guess that's what happens when you go swimming and the water extracter thingy is broken. It does, however, bring back all those memories of swimming. Good times [question mark].

A Disney Fairy Tale...

Here is a 'trailer' for the the next disney movie... The Sarah Palin Story...or something like that.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

In Case You Missed It...

...here is the debate, summed up in a minute.

Oh, It's On!

As you know, the Phillies clinched the division yesterday, which means that they are in the playoffs.  This is HUGE for the phans, since this is the first time since the 70's that the team has had back to back division titles.  Yesterday, I got two texts informing me of this news.  One from my mom, saying 'Phils win the nl east,' and another from my sister saying 'clinch! phillies!'  So I texted back to my sister, 'see you in the playoffs,'  her team, of course, being the Cubs, who are also going the playoffs.  She texts back a minute later, 'you mean lose you at the playoffs. biotch.'

Those are some phighting words!  So yeah, it's on!  

Question.

I was checking up on the Phillies score today, and Jamie Moyer was pictching, and they had this picture up for him: 

Ummmm, couldn't they  have picked a better picture for him?  This picture looks like he wasn't ready yet, and was surprised that they were taking the picture.  Can you say deer-in-the-headlights?  I'm sure they have to resources to take, at the very least, one more better picture. Honestly.

Oh and in awesome news, Phillies clinched the NL East and are going to the playoffs again this year!  Cheers all around!

Best. Moment. Ever.

Finally, after four season of will-they-won't-they sexual tension, Jim finally popped the question.  About. Freaking. Time.

I Use Salt Because I think It's Natural...

You don't say, random chef on the View from the Bay.  I was under the impression that salt was made from chemicals and not found readily in our natural environment.

Caught In the Act Continued.

 This morning, I flipped through the second disk of my mom's road trip pictures, and found some more, stalker-like photos she took of me.

The scary thing is I didn't even realize that she was taking my picture.  I am really oblivious sometimes.

Why?

It is one o'clock in the AM and someone's fire alarm is going off. How rude.

Random Quote of the Night

'I want to say flaccid, but I'm pretty sure that's only with a penis'
-Allegra trying to think of the word 'lucid'

Caught In the Act.

My mom sent me a box of awesomeness, see a past post. In this box, there was the pictures she took of our trip out to California, and I was flipping though and found this picture:

Along with with a couple of other pictures. Apparently, my mom was taking pictures of me to prove that we actually went to these places, because you know, even though we have personal pictures of the places, people might be suspicious that we are just making the whole road trip up. Anyway, she took a picture of me, taking this picture:

It's the Phanatic praying for Elvis. I felt a little awkward taking the pic, as I did most of the time taking my phanatic pictures, because, generally, people look at you funny when you pull out a green alien thing and take pictures of it in front of stuff, especially since we were really far away from PA where people might have heard of the Phanatic. I remember when we were in the Grand Canyon, we did one of the pull over things, and there were German tourists, and even though I couldn't understand them, I knew they were talking about the Phanatic. But at Graceland, I was really worried people would think I was mocking Elvis, because Elvis fans are crazy and might actually think that.

You Know You're Crazy When...

...you're in one room, and you roommate is in the room next to you, perfectly capable of having a normal conversation, but you choose to IM instead.





Exception: this is not as crazy, if you are bitching about your roommates, who are in the other room, and you are IMing so they don't hear you.





[but really it's just the first thing]

Wah Happened?

I do not know what happened to my style, if I even had one to begin with. It's like, I used to kind of care what I looked like when I went out in public. Always had to put on jeans and a clean shirt, and like a pair of converse. But lately I have gotten incredibly lazy. I have been going to class in like my pj's, and like sweat pants. And I don't even take my old, worn out, hole-y, phillies shirt off. I just throw a sweat shirt on and walk out the door. I know. I don't know what happened, last semester I was like picking out outfits, like skirts and dressed with high heels, and I think I looked pretty cute. But now, the other day I made an effort and put on a nice top with my black jeans, then I saw my blue heels and put them on, then said fuck it, and put on my flip flops. Like that would not have happened last year.

Speaking of personal style, what is mine? People always know what my person style is, but like I don't think I could describe it to you. Yet other people can always pick out clothes for me. They pick out a cute skirt, and go, 'this is so you', then I relpy, 'yeah it is'. Like how do people know my style better than me? I don't know. So, if you know me, tell me what my personal style is. Seriously.

Tomorrow's Just Your Future Yesterday.

It's obviously Craig Ferguson. I have really gotten into his whole show, like massively. I used to sometimes watch Craig Kilborn, but I was always more of a Conan person. Then over the summer, I don't know what happened, suddenly it was like the light turned on and I realized that Craig Ferguson is totally awesome. I think I remember the exact show I became a full-fledged Ferguson fan, it was sometime this summer, when he revealed his mustache, that ended up being a huge mistake, because everyone hated it, but still, I think he spent the whole night talking about his mustache, and then his guest, Chris Isaac, walked out with a fake mustache. Then after that Debbie Reynold walked out with a fake mustache on her book- classic.

I think the thing I really grown to like about Craig, and why I have suddenly grown weary of Conan, is that he just seems so off-the-cuff, and goes off book, like all the time. I just love how unpredictable it is, which is what makes his interviews so amazing. He doesn't do any pre-interview, like every other late night show. It's almost like you're eavesdropping in on a conversation between the two people. You know that he just doesn't have all of these talking points that he has to get through, Leno is especially obvious at this. It's like they will be talking about one thing, say fishing, then it's like 'so I heard you recently took a trip to Afghanistan,' how is that natural? So annoying.

But Craig is super awesome, if you can stay up that late, the show is, after all, called the late late show. So anyway, I have added a couple of interviews I especially liked, and if you still don't think that he is awesome, well then.... that is your prerogative. Enjoy!

I'm Kinda Weirded Out...

Last night, Allegra and I were playing Mario Kart, as per usual, when we got a knock on the door. Game paused, Allegra got up and answered the door. There were two guys, and they wanted to party.

Guys[I'm grouping them collectively]: What are you guys doing?

Allegra: Playing mario kart.

Guys: Can we play?

Allegra: If you want. [awkward pause] What are you doing here?

Guys: Looking for a party. Do you smoke.

Allegra: No sorry, no party here. I have a paper due tomorrow.

Guys: Awe that's too bad.

shuts door

Me: [whispering] Lock the door.

Allegra: What?

Me: [still whispering] Lock the door.

Allegra: What?

Me: Lock the damn door.

Allegra: Oh...

Is It Christmas Already?

Feast your eyes and the contents of a package my mom sent me today. Yes, you are seeing that correctly, it is all office stuff. The contents of the above are as follows: one dry erase board, four mini notebooks with different covers, five legal pads, three cases of four mechanical pencils, three cases of two quote pens [where when you click it a new quote pops up], 6 things of post its, two cases of two barrel pens, a thing of magnets, and 7 refridgerator pads with magnets on the back. Whfew, that is a lot of stuff. And it totally just adds to my awesome office collection I have got going on. Those things along with my two office poster, my fun run shirt, myfun run bracelet, and my I heart Jim mug [thanks akita always], my seasons 1-4 of the office [also the british version], and the trivia game [totally awesome, and also when I met Mindy Kaling, totally cool, also with akita] and that is one hell of a collection. I know. You must be jealous. Deal with it.

Oh and my mom got me these Phillies bracelets when she when to the game two weeks ago:



Ok, I might be a little obsessed with the Office, just maybe.

The Geekiest Thing My Dad Has Ever Said.

My dad flew back from Wisconsin today, where he was taking care of my ailing grandparents [my grandpa has cancer, which has spread more throughout his body, he was doing fine, but apparently is starting to go a little bit].  He picked me up after my class, and we went out to eat, and has the normal kind of awkward conversation that we normally have.  Sometimes I think my Dad doesn't know what to say to me, because apparently he tells my sister things he never tells me.  Like drug related, like apparently he told my sister some drugs she should try in college that would totally expand her horizons.  Me, not so much.  Maybe it's just cuz I'm younger?  Who knows. Anyway, so my dad is dropping me off, and he says, and I quote, 'Say 'Hi' to fexofenadine for me.'

Fexofenadine, as I'm sure you're all aware, is the scientific name for allegra, as in the drug and the name of Allegra.  

That's my dad's bioscientist's brain going to work for you.

Damn You Alex Trebek!

Ok, so I know it's not technically his fault, but why the fuck did they change the Jeopardy [exclamation point] theme song? It was awesome before. The best part was at the end of the show, you know when Alex Trebek stands around and awkwardly makes chit chat with the contestants of the day, when the music is playing over the scene and then some random guy is like jamming out with a guitar solo in the middle of the song. It's like, so fucking awesome. It's like, I kind of want to meet that guy, and like, if I played an instrument, jam out to the Jeopardy [exclamation point] theme song with him. The guy is totally getting into it too. It just makes the end awesome. Then there is another guy, who is like playing the saxophone, and he too is totally jamming out. Man, what I wouldn't do to be a part of that jam session to record the soundtrack for the Jepardy [exclamation point] theme song. That must have been good times. Now, the theme song totally sucks ass. It's like just weird and going to take some getting used to, I guess. Although, I don't know if I will ever forgive them for getting rid of the best part. Listen in for the rockin' out solos.

[Insert title here]

John Krasinski being interviewed by Cloris Leachman, who is on dancing with the stars this season and is bat shit crazy. Enjoy!

YAY Emmy! BOO Emmy!

I must say, I really do love award shows. I don't know why. But I do. Sure they're cheesy and stupid and lasts way too long, but I just love them. I love trying to predict winners, I really suck at the Emmys but am pretty good at the Oscars. This year, I sat down, on the couch, in front of the TV and watched them with Allegra...who proceeded to tell me the entire time how stupid she thought it was [you know she would much rather be playing Mario Kart]. Also, we had to try and explain the whole dealio to her, she's from Taiwan. She was having trouble comprehending. Overall, I thought it was OK. Here are some of my thoughts about the show tonight:

YAY!

Paul Giamatti wins!- Sure I haven't seen the John Adams series, but I love Paul Giamatti. He is criminally underrated as an actor, the fact that he wasn't nominated for an Oscar for Sideways or American Splendor is a crime against humanity, [they gave him the pity nod for Cindarellaman the next year], so that's emmy's for recognizing the awesomeness that is Paul Giamatti.

Mad Men wins best drama series-great show, season one was just so good, it would be a crime if it didn't win best drama.

Colbert Report wins best writing- finally Colbert has one emmy, it only took them three or four years to realize just how great the show was, he'll probably continue to brag about this until he loses again.

Bryon Cranston wins- I thought for sure it was going to be Paul Hamm from Mad Men, but from what I hear, from EW and Allegra, is that he, and the show, are really good. must check this show out now.

Ricky Gervais getting his award back from Steve Carell-awesome.

Don Rickles and Kathy Griffin ramble about nothing in particular- 'let's read the hilarious dialgue they have written for us' awesome!

Pushing Daisies wins something!- I think best directing in a comedy series, I'm glad they won something, such a cute show!

Jimmy Kimmel announcing the winner of Best Reality Show Host 'after the break'.

Boo!
The office doesn't win anything- how can that be?

Jeremy Piven wins again- it's like he's the new James Spader or Tony Shalhoub, the academy just have a boner for this guy.

30 rock wins again- thumbs down!

That chick from Samantha Who? over Kristin Chenoweth? Seriously?

Jeff Probst wins best reality show host?

Amazing Race wins again? They're like the new Jeremy Piven- the academy totally has a boner for them- 6 years running. Top Chef is way better.

Was it necessary to have the five nominees for best reality show host, host the ceremony? They were really retarded, they should have just gotten Jimmy Kimmel to host, he would have been way better.

Tina Fey? Really?

Am I the only one who doesn't think Tina Fey is funny? Sometimes, I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I seriously think she is one of the most overrated people ever. I have seen Mean Girls, and I thought it was totally cliché, stupid, and, above all else, not funny. I never thought she was that funny of SNL, and I've never watched 30 Rock, so I can't really comment on it. I mean I hear it's good, it was best comedy series twice in a row, but I just can't watch it, mainly because I hate Tina Fey. So why in GOD's name did she win two emmy's tonight? Why? I mean, comedy writing, hello office AND flight of the conchords are way better, again I'm assuming based on her track record. Her acceptance speech was so retarded, 'when I go to weddings I tell people I'm a writer and they talk to me less than if I tell them I'm an actor.' *audience busts out laughing*. Give me a fucking break. Oh and how about the part where you're Tina Fey and people would fall over themselves to try to talk to you. Then she went on the win fucking best actress. Is the academy high? Best actress. Bitches please. Tina Fey needs to stop the faux self depricating crap, get over yourself, you know you're awesome. Then again, this is the same academy that gave an emmy to Kathrine Heigl before giving one to Chadra Wilson, who is way better, and let Lauren Conrad design dresses for the staue girls, and have given Jeremy Piven the best supporting actor trophy three years running, even though Rainn Wilson or even Neil Patrick Harris totally deserved it more. They are seriously deranged.

Legen...wait for it and I hope you'r not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY. Legendary!

Ricky Gervais, you sir are awesome. And how Steve Carell kept a straight face, is beyond me.



Too bad Steve didn't win, I would have really like to have seen this [click and watch] happen.

Josh Groban. Awesome?

Three words I never thought I would put in the same breath, but there you go. Tonight, he performed at the Emmy's and did a medley of many of the famous theme songs of days past. The theme song is such a dying breed nowadays. On TV today, you have either have premade songs, thrust over title cards or no real theme song at all [see Lost] Of course my favorite new theme song, is the office theme, for obvious reason [one. it is totally my ringtone for text messages, oh and the part where I love all thing office]. Anyway, watch it, I especially love the random chung chung, from law and order

How You Doin'?

The Emmy Awards were tonight, and the opening was pretty entertaining, with actors saying famous TV quotes, such as, "you've got spunk, I hate spunk." and stuff like that. But for one breif second, John Krasinski did his impression of Joey's line, "how you doin?" If he ever said that to me I would just melt.

Dead. On.

I am a major fan of Keith Olbermann. For those of you who don't know who he is, and I'm assuming that's everyone, he is the news anchor for the MSNBC show, Countdown: with Keith Olbermann. I love this show. Sure, it's a news show, but he injects it with such vigor and stuff, that it is awesome. Some might say this show is 'boring' because they talk about the news, but I love it. It like a more serious slash real news version of the Daily Show, kind of.

Keith is clearly a bleeding-heart liberal, and shows no qualms about it. It's like he is the perfect foil for Bill O'reilly. It's like the same dynamic between superman and bizarro. Bill O is really conservative. Keith is ultra liberal. And they fued. A lot.

Granted, probably the only reason I even like Keith so much, is because our views are pretty much in line, and I like the fact that he is willing to call people out for the mismanagment of situations. He is notorious for bad mouthing the Bush administration, for pretty much everything. And he is especially famous for his 'special comments', which are pretty much just spoken essays about whatever is bugging Keith at the time. He doesn't do them in a regular pattern, just whenever something ticks him off to such an extent that he can no longer stand by mute.

Anyway, I was reading huffingtonpost.com, because I have stopped reading perez perminantly and needed something else to read, and they had this awesome like youtube video of this guy doing an impression of Keith's special commments. All i can say is: Dead On. It made me laugh so hard. Below are said video, as well as the latest real Special Comment. I suggest you watch the real one first, then watch the spoof, or else it won't make any sense.

Awesomeness.

Yesterday, Allegra and I were flipping around the channels and came across Will Arnett on Sesame Street and he was playing a mathMAGICIAN.

Take a moment and soak that in.

I. Know.

There is probably nothing more awesome than GOB and his illusions. And, let's just say that it was pretty awesome to see him return to his magic ways.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Man I really hope they make that Arrested Development movie, that would be so badass.

I Can't Stop Listening to...

...She & Him.

A while back, I decided to download She & Him, I mean I like Zooey Deschanel, she was so adorable in Elf, and she appeared to have a pretty good voice. So I downloaded it, then promptly forgot about it. Until like a couple of weeks ago, I had my iPOD on shuffle, and one of their songs popped up, and suddenly I was hooked. Now I seriously cannot stop listening to their album, Volume One. It's like such an awesome mix of like alternative slash indie with like a bit of like old fashioned-y style of like the 60's, like the whole girl group trio. Anyway, the songs are good, and it's good for like chilling out to. I added the one video they have from the album. It's really cute and totally goes with their whole thing:

Why Aren't My Ears Being Raped By Awefulness?

The other day I was listening to my iPOD, when the Beatles song, Hello Goodbye, came on. I was listening to it and I had to be like, 'wait a minute, this version is actually not half bad. Oh right, that's because it's the Beatles and not some fucking knock off slash crap version that is being played on the target commercials.'

It's sad to this that the Beatles are being, pretty much, raped of all their awesomeness because of corporate america. Fuck them! and Michael Jackson too, for buying all the rights to all the Beatles songs.

Aargh!

The Most Random Conversation Ever.

Allegra and I were playing Mario Kart, no surprise there. You can always see us playing that at least once, twice, maybe 20 times a day. We go through and do all of the cups. Several times. Obviously. I'm usually Yoshi and Allegra is Toad. And, while we are playing, we usually grow to hate a couple of the other drivers who aren't us. For instance, Peach is usually a real biotch who likes to fucking bump into you when you both have just been struck by lightning, which, of course, flattens both people. Stupid bitch. Anyway, yesterday, we were sitting around playing, when I blurted out, 'So, do you think Peach likes to take it up the ass? Maybe let Mario and Luigi gang bang her?'

Yeah, I went there. Well, this just totally sparked a whole conversation, which contained Mario fucking Peach up the ass, while Luigi watched with some popcorn, while of course jacking off. Which then prompted Allegra to say that that reminded her of Pee Wee Herman. You know, cuz he was arrested in a porn theatre with his penis exposed. Anyway, then Luigi hit a banana [crap I never know how many nana's to add on to banana. It really is like that Demetri Martin joke. Banan-nope, keep going. bananana-fuck, too many] and then he went 'mama mia!' in like the distressed way, which one of us then said, 'so you think that's what he says when he's cuming?' We spent much time talking about this, in which we discovered that most of the character make some sort of sex noise when th hit somebody or if they get hit. For instance, when Peach shoots something off, like a shell, she goes, "take that!', now imagine, with me, that she is wearing a strap on and fucking mario up the ass with it?

Ok, wow, just reread this, and this totally makes me sound crass and quite frankly perverted. Oh well. You all probably stopped reading long ago. Because, you know, this post was so gross.

Great Show, or the Greatest Show Ever?

I know what you're thinking, and no, I am not talking about The Office. Shocking. I know. Don't get me wrong that show is def in my top 3 favorite shows of all time. Anything with John Krasinski in it, is fine by me. But, no, that's not what I'm talking about. No, what I'm talking about is singularly one of the best things ever. It's called Hole in the Wall. And while, yes, that is not the best title for such awesomeness, it kind of makes it sound like some weird pervy show where like people are like forced to peep on their neighbors and get to see everything that they do [that would be gross, FYI]. No, this show comes from Japan, I think, and in Japan it is called Human Tetris, a much more well suited title for the show. And in this show, contestants stand at the end of like a ramp area, and a wall comes at them, with a shape that they must recreate, or else they are pushed into the water pit behind them. Doesn't that just sound awesome? I. know. The only downside to this show is the one cohost they have, Brook something or other, I think she maybe dated Bruce Willis for a while. That is neither here nor there. All I'm saying is this show is soooooooo amazing [and you know that's true because I used 8 o's in so]. Anyway, check it out below, as well as the original Japanese version [you know to compare and contrast their strenths and weaknesses, and yes I expect a 3 page paper on what you all think of both versions!]

American:



Japanese:

My Room- Now With More Posters! Yay!

Guess what just got a little more awesome? My room. You see, as awesome as it was before, it just got a little bit more awesome. I convinced my mom to send me some posters, as well as get me a couple of new ones, and now the room is, pretty much, complete. There is still room to grow, and I can still add on, such as an awesome nick and nora poster that akita got for me [can you say awesomeness?]. Anyway, here are some pics of what my room looks like in its new awesomeness:

I moved my rocker poster over and put of this Mondrian poster called Broadway [I think].

Forgetting Sarah marshall, studio 60, and I moved my walk hard poster over there. On the adjacent wall is office and kill bill. oh and you can kind of see my shoes in the closet.

Sideways, babel, me and allegra's schedule [we decided to go all high tech a make a schedule so that we knew when to do stuff like dance lessons, gym, tv, swimming, etc.] , jay and bob strike back [the only place you might ever see babel and jay and bob in the same place], and on the back of my door is shakespeare in love.

The office, kill bill, in my closet is memento, then babel and jay and bob on the other wall.

Memento, knocked up, dmb crash.

Weird Coincidence.

I was looking up Kevin Smith for my Composition [say it with a french accent], for french class, and he and my mom have the same birthday.  I guess I have a good ice breaker should I ever meet Ben Affleck.

Youthanasia should be illegal!

So this weekend, At The Movies was taken over by Ben Lyons and that other guy, whose name I don't know, and don't really care about looking up, so he will hence forth be known as 'that guy', took over the show.  This is a very sad moment for me, I remember being a kid and watching Siskel & Ebert.  That would be the main way my family would pick out what movies to go see, if it got a good review from them you knew it had to be good.  The Gene Siskel died of, I think, some sort of cancer, and I remember, at the age of 10, being kind of upset.  Who would I go to to get my movie recommendations from.  I kind of just stopped watching, hearing in passing that they picked Richard Roeper as a permanent host, blah blah.  Then like a couple of years ago, I started watching again, and I found Richard Roeper to be a suitable cohost, even though he wasn't a film critic, but a columnist.  I found myself, liking Richard Roeper, just because he was a film enthusiast, like me, but he also has a lot of film knowledge about him, and he was pretty funny at times.  He really just told it as it was.  Plus it doesn't hurt that he and I appear to have a similar taste in movies. 

Then came news that both Richard Roeper and Roger Ebert would not be on the show any more,  and this saddened me, more so when I fucking found out who was taking their place.  Ben 'moron' Lyons and That Guy.  Really I have no beef with That Guy, mainly because I have no fucking clue who he is, never fucking heard of him. My only beef is with fucking Ben Lyons, who's a fucking moron.  Every one in a while, I will turn on the E [exclamation point], and that one show will be on, the one that follows E [exclamation point] news live, Daily 10, and he will be fucking on, and my god, I have not heard such idiocy come out of some 'expert's' mouth since some guy on MSNBC was saying that Bill and Hilary were going to go vote for John McCain [WTF?].  It's like, the way Ben Lyons fucking picks which movies are good and which ones are bad, are based solely on which ones have a) hype and b) big stars.  If a movie has both of these things, then it is considered 'good' by his standards.  If a movie has 'bad hype' then it is obviously a bad film.  I just remember at the Golden Globes last year, when they did that weird press conference thing, that he thought Angelina Jolie was going to win best actress in a drama, when clearly all the real analysts were saying that Julie Christie was the one who was going to win,  I mean the woman was favored to win the oscar way back in like July or whenever the movie came out.  Also he thought that Nikki Blonsky was going to win Best actress in a comedy/musical, just because he's like 'friends' with her or something.  Give me a fucking break.  I think I did better with my globes predictions than Ben fucking Lyons.  That guy's an idiot.  

I mean, I guess I get why they decided to bring in these two jokers, to youthenize the show.  But these guys are stupid.  I watched like two reviews from this week's show, Burn After Reading and Hamlet 2, but their Burn After Reading review was laughable.  I'm not fully convinced they actually saw the movie, granted neither have I, but that's just because it hasn't come out in theaters yet.  From what I have heard, the movie is either pretty good and funny or dumb, depending on how you swing with Coen Brothers comedies [see Big Labowski].  But one thing I have heard is that it is not an oscar contender in any stretch of the imagination, mainly because it is like a screwball comedy.  The only reason some critic have put it on their oscar watch is because of last year with No Country for Old Men, but as soon as they see the movie they realize that it's not.  This is why I'm not convinced they fucking saw the movie, since Ben Lyons was like 'Frances McDormand is going to nominated for an oscar'.  Ummm...Ok and you have to authority to say this because you're a film critic from E[exclamation point]?  

Which I guess is the real problem with the show now.  It was supposed to be two well versed film critics who have an intelligent debate about the movies that they saw that week.  And from what I have seen, these two guys are more interested in the sound bite then the whole of the debate.  Which is why I really hate this whole 'youthy' thing that they are trying to do.  I fell like there are enough intelligent people out there who want to here to smart people having a smart debate about movies.  I think that Siskel and Ebert proved that 30 or so years ago when they started the show.  I would seriously rather be watching Roeper and who ever was filling in for Ebert that week [one of my favorites being Michael Phillips of the Chicago Tribune], over these two knuckleheads.  In and ideal world Roeper and Phillips and some of the more intelligent film critics out there, maybe a Dave Karger from EW [I like him too], could get together and make a new show that, as Richard Roeper put it [or at least something to the effect of what he said], "uphold the standards that siskel and ebert started years ago.'  I'd so watch that show. 

Ive Got Office on the Brain.

My Disease! teacher sent an email titled 'Scantron Details'.  The way I read it was 'Scranton Details,' to which I thought to myself, are we going to Scranton, are we going to study something interesting about Scranton, then I realized, no it said scantron not Scranton.

You Know You've Played Too Much Mario Kart When...

...you lay your head down to go to bed, and you're still playing the game.

True story.

Go Ahead. Make My Day.

Today I was walking to class, Disease! [which, btw, is the most awesome class there is], wearing my Fun Run shirt.  There were these two guys walking behind us, talking about italian homework slash maybe a test.  One of them noticed my shirt, and started reading aloud 'michael scott's dunder mifflin scranton meredith palmer memorial celebrity rabies awareness pro-am fun run race for the cure' followed by 'where can I get that, I want it.'

Totally made my day.

Then I got a hundred on the 'unannounced' announced pop quiz in my disease! class.

So yeah.  It was an awesome day.

You Know You're Crazy When...

...you think a lawn mower sounds like rain.

This happened the other day.  I was laying in bed, in that state of half-awake/half-asleep, and some body was mowing the lawns in from of the Humanities building.  And I literally remember saying to myself, 'oh, that guy must like the rain, since he has that sign on his mower and he wants it to sound like the rain.'  Ok first thing,  I was def not looking outside at the mower, it was all in my head [and he was like totally driving a tractor, not a mower].  

And last time I checked, a lawn mower sounds nothing like rain.

I'm an Idiot

Last night, as I lay in bed trying to sleep, I got really hot. So I decided that I needed to open my window up more. So I pulled up my blinds a little bit and stood up, when I thought I saw a spider on my blinds. So I freaked out and turned on a light to make sure.

There was no spider, it was just the string all gathered up. So I go back to open my window, when I see, what I think is a spider on my window, just chillin out. I literally am so terrified that I am frozen in place. I grab a shoe to you know fling it out the window. I must have just stood there for like five or ten minutes. Obviously I couldn't just close the blinds and pretend the spider wasn't there. I would keep thinking there was a spider crawling on me, and that would not be good, I would never be able to get to sleep. When I finally got enough courage to flick it out...

...it turns out it wasn't a spider, but a smudge on my window. So I proceeded to open my window, close my blinds and go back to trying to sleep.

Just Thought I Would Post This Video

It's Just My Opinion, But It's True.

As most of you know, I am a huge Barack Obama supporter. He is by far the most eloquent and charismatic politician in my generation that I can remember, since you know Clinton was when I was too young to appreciate him. I mean, I've been a, for lack of a better word, fan of Barack Obama since 2004, when he gave that really awesome speech at the DNC. Then I saw him on the Daily Show a couple of times, and was like, 'this guy is pretty awesome. I hope he runs come the next election cycle.' And when he announced, it was like I was actually excited to vote, and to be able to put my vote behind someone I actually believed in. I mean, say what you will about the man, but you cannot deny his public speaking ability. I was seriously moved during his more than fourty minute long speech.



I swear if John McCain is elected I don't know what I would do. Probably cry. Consider leaving the country, since clearly it will only go down further into the shitter. The sad thing is I used to like McCain, way back in 2000, when he had the straight talk express, and he seemed way cooler and more honest. It seems like in the years since that election, when bush cock blocked him from the white house, his integrity has just gone down the hole. OH and the part where he picked a female vice president, most likely just to get the Hilary supporters who are still too bitter that she's no longer in the running to vote for Obama. It's like seriously people, do you really want four more years of Bush policy? I didn't think so. Sarah Palin is seriously just the wrong choice for female voters. It's like she's anti-feminist [voting against abortion even if the girl was raped], anti-polar bear [she was against putting the polar bear on the endangered species list because...], anti-environment [...it would stop from alloying them to drill in Alaska], and the part where she is a gun toting conservative. The chick is the govenor from Alaska, whose total population would only equal the 18th most populus city in the whole of the US. She has no fucking experience.

Ok total tangant, but anyway. This election means something. So i'm glad I'm old enough to be able to vote and to hopefully make a difference, even though California is a democrat state, so it's going to go to Obama anyway. Still. I like to think that my vote counts.

Oh yeah, I was watching Tv with my mom, when this commercial came on. It's like really weird and funny [stick around for the very end of the video, best part]:

Here's a Phrase I Will Never Understand...

Popular comedian Dane Cook.

I just don't understand how this guy is considered 'funny,' cuz he's not. In fact, I think he might be one of the unfunniest persons I've ever heard speak. And the sad part is, he thinks he's fucking hilarious.

Well I've got news of you: he isn't. He totally sucks ass. AND he totally steals jokes from other, way more funnier, comedians. Like Demetri Martin or Louis C.K., and I'm thinking even Nick Swardson. All of these guys are much, MUCH, funnier.

Here is some proof:





I mean, I'd say they are too similar to be coincidences. Plus it doesn't hurt that Dane Cook is a total douche bag. And I find it really disturbing that he totally looks like John Krasinski, since I love John Krasinski, and fucking hate Dane Cook. Like I seriously wonder how this guy gets movie jobs, because from what I have seen, he totally sucks ass. Oh and plus the fact that all his movies have done terribly. I guess I can some what get the appeal. He's kind of good looking. That is until he opens his fucking mouth, and the douchiest shit comes flying out.

Yet the guy fucking sells out huge venus, which I will never understand. How can that many people think he is that goddamned hilarious? I would never pay any money to see that guy live.

Anyway. I found this video on youtube that I thought just exemplified Dane Cook:



The funny thing is, that guy doing Dane Cook is actually way funnier than Dane Cook.